"Most big, deeply satisfying accomplishments in life take at least five years to achieve. This can include building a business, cultivating a loving relationship, writing a book, getting in the best shape of your life, raising a family, and more.
Five years is a long time. It is much slower than most of us would like. If you accept the reality of slow progress, you have every reason to take action today. If you resist the reality of slow progress, five years from now you'll simply be five years older and still looking for a shortcut."
James Clear
For some, the mere mention of the word "change" may cause uneasy feelings. We often find ourselves in these two typical situations when we want to change. One, where we desire change but find ourselves only going in the opposite direction from where we desire to go, or two, where we resist change due to our perception, fear of risks it involves, or perhaps not wanting to be out of our comfort zone. It’s an interesting predicament we put ourselves in. So why do we have such a hard time initiating or following through with our desire to change?
A professor of psychology and director of the Cancer Prevention Research center at the University of Rhode Island, James O. Prochaska developed the Transtheoretical Model of Behaviour Change (don’t let the terminologies scare you, the process for change is fairly simple). He proposed that we often find ourselves in the previously described predicaments as a result of our perception of change. Behavioral change is rarely a discrete or single event; however, we tend to view it that way. More often than not, behavioral change occurs gradually, over time.
In his book, Changing for Good, Prochaska identifies the various stages through which individuals move when attempting to adjust old habits or form new behaviors. A linear progression through the stages is not the norm. Individuals tend to move back and forth through the stages, re-cycling through them until the change becomes fully established. So, instead of feeling like a failure if or when we fall off the wagon, we can keep in mind that a relapse can happen and learn ways to get back on track.
I am going to shift gears here a little and talk about how habits play an integral role in making changes to our behavior, so stay with me as we take a quick look at habits. In the last edition of ProjectMe, we talked about the Power of Habits and 5 ways to create good habits. Changing our habits to form better and healthier habits is something that we all desire. We usually have clear end goals when it comes to any change we desire. However, we tend to miss out on the goals for the journey to getting to the end goal.
In his book, Atomic Habits, James Clear talks about the 3 layers of behavior change.
Atomic Habits: Tiny Changes, Remarkable Results
The first layer is changing your outcomes. This level is concerned with changing your results: losing weight, publishing a book, winning a championship. Most of the goals you set are associated with this level of change.
The second layer is changing your process. This level is concerned with changing your habits and systems: implementing a new routine at the gym, decluttering your desk for better workflow, and developing a meditation practice. Most of the habits you build are associated with this level.
The third and deepest layer is changing your identity. This level is concerned with changing your beliefs: your worldview, your self-image, and your judgments about yourself and others. Most of the beliefs, assumptions, and biases you hold are associated with this level.”
James goes on to talk about how we mistakenly try to change the wrong thing. While all levels of change are helpful, the direction of change plays an important role. Instead of focusing on what we need to change, he suggests that we focus on what we want to become.
He quotes this example in his book about a person desiring to quit smoking. When offered a cigarette, the first person says “No thanks. I’m trying to quit.”A reasonable response but he still believes he is a smoker and trying to quit. The second person says “ “No thanks. I’m not a smoker.” It’s a small difference, but this statement signals a shift in identity.”
The most practical way to change who you are is to change what you do.
Each time you write a page, you are a writer.
Each time you practice the violin, you are a musician.
Each time you start a workout, you are an athlete.
Each time you encourage your employees, you are a leader.
Change can be put simply as a two-step process:
Decide the type of person you want to be.
Prove it to yourself with small wins.
In summary, the beginning of change should decide the kind of person you want to become. Whether you want to be a leader in the corporate world, a loving parent, or an artist, get clear about who you want to be. Write it down, think about it often, and yes dream or visualize that person.
After leaving my corporate job, I decided to homeschool my boys. I put in a lot of effort to understand what homeschooling was about, and spent numerous hours researching about it and talking to other homeschooling families about what has worked for them. I also thought about what would be some of our homeschooling goals. But what I had largely failed to do was to see myself as a homeschooling mom and to consider, what I wanted that life to look like for me. I had not thought about myself as a homeschool mom but rather a task I had to carry out in my day. It was only a year later, with a few hard falls and frustrations, that I began to seek clarity on who I am as a homeschool mom. This helped me align my values and goals, and understand the changes I needed to make. It became clear to me that even if I wore many hats during the day, I still needed to know who I am in those roles. Making that shift in deciding on the kind of homeschool mom I wanted to be, paved the way for change. I focused on small wins such as getting into good routines, planning our meals for the week, and organizing field trips for the children, all toward becoming a homeschool mom. 5 years into homeschooling, I am a changed person. I am now, a homeschooling mom and loving it too.
The process of making changes involves having some knowledge of the meaning and function of each stage. We may gain a further understanding of where we stand in our journey to progress. By identifying where we are in the process, we can then shape and guide our goals to assist us in moving from one stage to the next.
As you read through the following stages of change, I encourage you to consider what stage you may be in and what actions you might take to progress to the next.
Prochaska and DiClemente’s Stages of Change Model
Pre-Contemplation
People at this stage do not intend to start a healthy behavior soon (within 6 months) and may be unaware of the need to change. People here learn more about healthy behavior: they are encouraged to think about the pros of changing their behavior and to feel emotions about the effects of their negative behavior on others.
Precontemplators typically underestimate the pros of changing, overestimate the cons, and often are not aware of making such mistakes. These individuals are encouraged to become more mindful of their decision-making and more conscious of the multiple benefits of changing unhealthy behavior.
Contemplation
At this stage, people intend to start healthy behavior within the next 6 months. While they are usually now more aware of the pros of changing, their cons are about equal to their pros. This ambivalence about changing can cause them to keep putting off taking action.
People here learn about the kind of person they could be if they changed their behavior and learn more from people who behave in healthy ways. They're encouraged to work at reducing the cons of changing their behavior.
Preparation
People at this stage are ready to start taking action within the next 30 days. They take small steps that they believe can help them make healthy behavior a part of their lives. For example, they tell their friends and family that they want to change their behavior.
People in this stage are encouraged to seek support from friends they trust, tell people about their plan to change the way they act, and think about how they would feel if they behaved more healthily. Their number one concern is: when they act, will they fail? They learn that the better prepared they are, the more likely they are to keep progressing.
Need help with this stage? Book a coaching session to help you get through.
Action Stage
People at this stage have changed their behavior within the last 6 months and need to work hard to keep moving ahead. These participants need to learn how to strengthen their commitment to change and fight urges to slip back.
People in this stage are taught techniques for keeping up their commitments such as substituting activities related to the unhealthy behavior with positive ones, rewarding themselves for taking steps toward change and avoiding people and situations that tempt them to behave in unhealthy ways.
Maintenance Stage
People at this stage changed their behavior more than 6 months ago. People in this stage need to be aware of situations that may tempt them to slip back into doing unhealthy behavior— particularly in stressful situations.
It is recommended that people in this stage seek support from and talk with people whom they trust, spend time with people who behave in healthy ways, and remember to engage in healthy activities to cope with stress instead of relying on unhealthy behavior.
How do People Move from One Stage to Another?
The cons of changing outweigh the pros in the Precontemplation stage
The pros surpass the cons in the middle stages
The pros outweigh the cons in the Action stage
In general, for people to progress they need:
A growing awareness that the advantages (the "pros") of changing outweigh the disadvantages (the "cons")— this is called decisional balance.
Confidence that they can make and maintain changes in situations that tempt them to return to their old, unhealthy behavior = self-efficacy
Strategies that can help you make and maintain change:
Consciousness-Raising—increasing awareness via information, education, and personal feedback about the healthy behavior
Dramatic Relief—feeling fear, anxiety, or worry because of the unhealthy behavior, or feeling inspiration and hope when they hear about how people can change to healthy behaviors
Self-Reevaluation—realizing that the healthy behavior is an important part of who they are and want to be
Environmental Reevaluation—realizing how their unhealthy behavior affects others and how they could have more positive effects by changing
Social Liberation—realizing that society is more supportive of the healthy behavior
Self-Liberation—believing in one’s ability to change and making commitments and recommitments to act on that belief
Helping Relationships—finding people who are supportive of their change
Counter-Conditioning—substituting healthy ways of acting and thinking for unhealthy ways
Reinforcement Management—increasing the rewards that come from positive behavior and reducing those that come from negative behavior
Stimulus Control—using reminders and cues that encourage healthy behavior as substitutes for those that encourage the unhealthy behavior
In conclusion, get clarity on the person you want to become, know where you are in the stage of change, line up your desired habits, and work on your small wins.
Remember, making a change for good is a journey, not a one-day event. It’s all about the progress.
If you need support in making the changes you desire for your life, book a coaching session with me. We can start with a free trial session and if there is chemistry, we can work together on the changes you would like to make.
What have been some of the challenges for you, in making lasting changes? How did it feel when you did manage to change? Share your thoughts, comments, or just about anything in the comments box below. I’d love to hear from you!
Love,
Anne C
References:
Prochaska, J., DiClemente, C., & Norcross, J. (1994). In search of how people change. American Psychologist, Vol. 47, No. 9, 1102-1114
Atomic Habits, James Clear
3.2.1.Newsletter, James Clear
Rhodes Career College Ltd. 2016.