‘Habits’ is a popular topic. A quick search on Reddit and AnswerthePublic yields these interesting findings of habits (in no particular order):
Can habits be changed?
How are habits formed?
What habits replace smoking?
What is the most important habit?
Why are habits important?
And the list goes on. Almost everyone has thought about their habits at some point in time, aspired to change old ones, and tried to adopt new ones.
Before we look at 5 ways to create a good habit, let’s take a step back to understand the ‘Why’ behind it: Why are habits important? Michael Bungay Stanier in The Coaching Habit quoted a study conducted by Duke University. That study found that:
45% of our waking behavior is habitual i.e. 45% of what we do is driven by our subconscious mind.
That’s a stark reality…..are we almost half robots?
This becomes an important point to understand how to optimize human behavior. Since a big part of our actions is driven by our subconscious mind, it then follows that we would be doing ourselves a great favor by trying to have more of our actions controlled by our subconscious nature. If we could build in powerful and effective habits like learning, health, and even sleep, we are then able to build these good habits into our lives and have them run almost like on auto-pilot.
In my previous post, 5 Books On The Power Of Habits we looked at 5 books and a website that can help you build new habits and a summary of the ideas proposed by each author. In this blog post, I am going to suggest 5 ways to create a good habit. These are not entirely my original ideas, but I have found them to work well for me, and I hope it does so for you too. So, let’s get started.
#1 Plan for failure, plan for resilience.
I have chosen to be deliberate in using this as my number one point. I believe that for any habit to be successful, we need to plan for failures. This is just common sense in practice.
Two reasons why this is important:
One, we have to be realistic. Failures will happen. There will be days when we will fail to follow through on our commitment. There will be days when we miss placing that tick mark on our calendar. For whatever reason, maybe you didn’t have the time, maybe you fell ill, maybe you had an unexpected visitor or maybe you are taking that planned annual holiday. Life just happens.
Two, many habits ‘fail’ not because we are not committed or disciplined enough, but because we do not know what to do or how to get back on track when we drop off the wagon. Say that you committed to starting a new exercise routine at the turn of the new year. Unfortunately, you had an unplanned emergency that took you away from the comfort of your home and your well-planned daily schedule. After a week you return home. You find that you need an additional three days to reorient yourself back to normalcy. That’s 10 days of a detour from your original plan. If you did not plan for failure, you may likely think that you are a failure and throw the whole new habit out the window. “Maybe I’ll start a new one…..later”, you say.
However, if you had planned for or anticipated failures (detours, the unexpected, and even pleasant surprises) you could bounce back up on the wagon. This upfront planning provides you that subliminal mindset shift from ‘oh-no-this-is-all-wasted’ to ‘oh-yes-let’s-pick-up-from-where-I-left-off. And bang, you are back on the road to success.
Planning for failure is not the same as planning to fail. (Note the difference in propositions used here). Planning for failure is planning for resilience, continuity, and the long haul-haul. And that makes it good planning.
Jeremy Dean in ‘Making habits, breaking habits’, brings out this point - we need to have a plan to get back on track. Sometimes, the best habits are not the ones with the best practices defined to the finest details (like eat this, do this, go here, etc) but the ones that have built-in fail-safe practices.
In engineering, a fail-safe is a design feature or practice that in the event of a specific type of failure, inherently responds in a way that will cause minimal or no harm to other equipment, to the environment, or to people (Wikipedia). So, go ahead and make your new habit fail-safe and make it work for you.
I love this quote, “I failed my way to success.” Reframe failure as success.
Share your thoughts on planning to fail.
#2 Focus on the lifestyle change and not the outcome.
For most of us, when planning a new habit, we have our eyes set on the goal. Goal-setting is a beneficial, important, and healthy practice and is designed to motivate us toward our desired goal.
However, focusing on the goal can sometimes be less than optimal. We define our success or failure in achieving a new habit or changing an old habit based on whether that one singular goal is met. This focus limits our vision or idea of success and it comes at the expense of what lies at the periphery. So, what does lie at the periphery? What are we missing out on?
Let's look at an example. Some of us have an idea of what our ideal weight should look like and if we are not there, we know what it should ideally be. We develop a great plan which includes healthy eating and exercise for the next 3 months. We monitor our progress daily. We ask “Am I there yet?”
An alternative way of looking at this weight-loss plan is to focus on the lifestyle change rather than the outcome. This subtle shift helps you notice the small daily wins as you gradually change your lifestyle to achieve your desired target. Your eye is not solely set at the end.
You begin to notice what you are eating, appreciate what exercise is doing for your mind and body, and even celebrate the good choices you are making daily. These daily wins act as powerful motivators and positive reinforcers. Ingeniously you have created an internal shift from an end-based approach to a value-based one.
This is the power of finish lines at work. Know your finish lines, in other words, know when you are done. Done doesn’t have to be 3 months out there. Done can be when you have eaten healthy 3 days in a row or when you have successfully closed your exercise rings 7 days in a row. So, stake your finish line closer to you, where you can see it, days instead of weeks or months.
Besides motivation, an added benefit of focusing on lifestyle change is the impact it has on your identity; it gives you a new identity. Identity is in and of itself a powerful motivator. So, regarding yourself as an ‘individual who now makes healthy choices’, will motivate you to align your actions to your identity.
#3 Create new shared identities with a community.
I for one am a strong believer in the power of community. Numbers rock! If you have ever compared trying to do something alone vs trying to do it in a small group (or even with only one other person) you will understand what I mean. You begin to feed off each other’s energy. Now it's no longer you doing all the heavy-lifting solo, but you have someone to come alongside you and walk this journey with you.
I love how technology has introduced community. While we berate tech overuse and its creation and endorsement of a superficial sense of community, I must say that technology has this redeeming feature. Apps like FB groups and Meetup have fostered community among a group of like-minded people with similar interests, ranging from food connoisseurs to exercise enthusiasts, from coffee snobs to computing nerds. These apps have been used successfully as tools to bring people physically together.
A great way to keep a habit going is to join like-minded people. John Maxwell in his book 15 Laws of Invaluable Growth states that we become the combined average of the five people we have around the most. It appears that who you hang out with matters. Do they motivate you to achieve your goals and/or change your habits?
Groups with shared interests not only give you a community to work with but also create a shared identity. We saw earlier how identity is a powerful monitor. Shared identities can be even stronger. To be identified with the LA Lakers, the New York Yankees or something closer to home as the Southern Suburb Chess Club or your local hash group has its privileges.
The concept of a ‘tribe’ has gained traction in recent years. According to Wikipedia, the term ‘tribe’ is used in many different contexts to refer to a category of human social groups. Whatever your goal may be, go look for a local tribe that can support you. You are one step closer to success.
What are some tribes or communities you belong to that impact your habits in life?
#4 Use technology to help you capture and manage your progress.
There are many apps, habit trackers, and gadgets like smartwatches can that help you in your habit journey. Apps like Apple Fitness (IOS) and Google Fit (Android) are great apps (among many others) that you can use to monitor your health and exercise regime. They capture your daily data and also motivate you with reminders and awards to keep you going.
Be aware however of the pernicious effects of such apps. In their quest to inspire you to push yourself, the danger lies in its overuse and over-dependence. Take exercise as an example. In and of itself, exercise is a good thing. But when your app tells that you need to take a walk around your block to close your exercise ring for the day and you happen to be dead tired, think again. Is it worth the effort? When your app tells you that you came in second after your college rival and you know you have 3 hours left before the day ends, what do you do? Use your discretion. Take control instead of letting it control you.
More specific to what we are discussing in this blog post i.e. habits, you can use apps like Everyday. It is a simple and intuitive habit tracker available on multiple platforms. There’s a visual dashboard and chain-based tracking that makes it less likely for you to quit if you get more days in a row. It is also featured on the App Store as the “App of the Day” and #1 Product of the Day on Product Hunt.
Beeminder is another such app, but a harder taskmaster. It keeps track of your goals and sends you push notifications. It is a goal-tracking app with ‘teeth’. If you derail off the yellow-brick road to your goal, they take your money! And if you continue derailing, it can begin to get expensive. Loss of money is a powerful incentive. If you are up for such a commitment plan, give Beeminder a try. Next is stickK. Similar to Beeminder, it is a commitment device. It leverages on the power of incentives, financial accountability, and social accountability to your advantage.
What are some of your favourite Habit forming apps?
#5 Understand the WHY behind the habit.
This may seem like I am stating the obvious, but just so, let me put it down here. This is a simple step that can be easily forgotten as we amble along down to the finishing line or even missed altogether at the starting line.
Think about your whys. Why do you want to shed those 5 kilos, why are you looking to create a new reading habit, why do you want to commute to work earlier? The better you can define your whys, the better clarity you have in understanding your goals.
According to Leo Baobata, author of Zen Habits, he says “think less of what a habit can do for you and more about how this new habit can help other people.” Having a bigger picture and having others in that bigger picture, will make habits more likely to stick. Having a goal bigger than ourselves also appeals to our higher-order emotional needs for esteem and self-actualization. With this mindset we meet BOTH our needs and the needs of others at the same time.
For many years now, I have aimed and strived to live healthily. But more recently, I have added a why to it. And this why was created out of my recent experiences. It goes like this - so that I am strong enough to help others around me, especially the old and ageing. This rationale has added clarity and depth to my health and fitness goal. I now want to be strong for others, not just for me. Keep this takeaway in mind: understanding the why is a powerful motivator and will likely keep you going when the going gets tough.
I end with this quote.
Some people dream of success while others wake up and work. Unknown.
Work hard! And with these pointers or reminders, you can succeed.
Did I mention I was trying to perfect 5 French cuisines? We made crepes! It was rated 4/5 (by my boys) so I still have some work to do on this.
If you need more support in getting into some good habits or getting rid of some not so great ones, book a coaching session with me. We can start with a free trial session and there is chemistry, we can work together on your goals.
What have been some of the hardest habits for you to create? How has having good habits impacted your life? Share your thoughts, comments or just about anything in the comments box below. I’d love to hear from you!
Love,
Anne C
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